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musing #5

 grief


Grief is rocking out to Just One Day by BTS, singing your favorite lyrics which are the only ones you know. 
Haruman neowa naega hamkkehal su itdamyeon
Haruman neowa naega sonjabeul su itdamyeon
Haruman neowa naega hamkkehal su itdamyeon
Haruman (Haruman) neowa naega hamkkehal su itdamyeon

And then, randomly, after singing the chorus for the umpteenth time, you remember who's hand you wish you were holding...and you just burst into tears. A heaving cry as though news broke yesterday. Five minutes ago. Just now. Because you wish you could hold your cousin, Tay's, hand one more time and show her what you've come to love by BTS because you two used to share music together. YouTube videos. CDs. But now you have to enjoy it with the memory of her so you cry and listen to more BTS to cheer up and it makes you smile even though just moments ago you heaved so hard you thought your chest would cave in. 

Anyhow, now, you sing along to Spring Day,

Bogo sipda, bogo sipda...

 

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